MY EXPERIENCE OF VIPASSANA
Few years ago, one of my clients told me about a silent meditation retreat in UK, where for 10 days you're cut off the outside world, cut from all the distractions, and you just meditate all day long. I didn't remember the name of the retreat, nor the place. I couldn't find it on Google so I forgot about it. Until last year. I don't even remember exactly who told me about it again, or how it found me, but this time I had all the information I needed. It is called Vipassana.
Now I know, that there are 2 types of Vipassana. I know, because initially I signed for, and I was supposed to do one of them, but for various reasons I ended up doing the other one, and I talked to few people who did the first one as it's much more popular.
I like to call them: strict Vipassana (that is the one that is very popular) and Thai Vipassana. The rules, the concept, and the daily routine of both are pretty much the same. It is all about removing all the distractions, luxuries, beautification because it is the best way to quiet yourself and be able to meditate, literally, whole day long.
There is a slight difference in the approach. Strict Vipassana is shorter (10 days) and probably much more intense. Maybe even too intense for some. The rules seem to be stricter there. Thai Vipassana is longer (21 days) and they seem to be more flexible and give more freedom. Their approach was more like - those are the rules, you are not supposed to do certain things, but it is up to you. Nobody asked me to give my phone away. Nobody checked if I really woke up at 4 am, nobody controlled if I really meditated 14 hours a day. The centre was located in a small town, so in theory, I could go to a shop and buy whatever I wanted. I could have lunch whenever I felt hungry after last meal being served at 11am. It was all up to me how deeply I wanted to follow their recommendations. They simply believed in balance - it wasn't about super strict regime, but it wasn't about being into materialistic world either. And I liked that very much. I have a bit rebellious nature and I don't like being told what to do, or being forbidden things. I kept my phone (I could lock it in their office too), but except for one emergency text, it was all the time in the airplane mode. I used it only as my alarm or timer (and few times to look at some photos). I could go to a shop or a restaurant, but I didn't. I decided to stick to their diet. I had the freedom to do what I wanted and it was up to me to motivate myself. And I chose to stick to their rules.
There was also small difference in the way they were teaching things. Strict Vipassana had individual and group sessions, during which they gave instructions that were so different to the instructions I was given. Thai Vipassana was completely individual. Even if you meditate in a room full of people - each person was doing their own exercise. But even though the path in both was slightly different - I learned that the outcome was the same. I spoke to people who completed strict Vipassana and their conclusions were the same, or very, very similar to my conclusions. I have to admit the only thing I did, which I shouldn't; sometime, halfway through the retreat I started reading the book I brought. I thought, and I still think it helped me. It was 'Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle about the importance of being present in a moment.
It is funny. I started reading it in London, couple of weeks earlier, but I didn't get it at all! I was somewhere half way through it, but I didn't understand it. Or rather - I didn't feel it at all. Even reading was coming to me with difficulties. I only read few pages a week, and I never remembered anything afterwards. But I felt that somehow the topic of the book was similar to the retreat. I started reading it because I didn't get the answers I needed from the teacher, and I was getting those answers from the book! It was almost like they complimented each other. Book was giving a lot of explanation but not much practical advice. The retreat, on the other hand, was giving exercises on how to be present in the moment, but there was very little explanation. Weirdly, this time I understood and I felt every single word I read. I know I shouldn't be reading it. I can't tell whether it slowed down or speedED up the whole process, but I don't regret anything.
I decided to do Vipassana because I hoped it would teach me how to quiet my monkey mind. Sometime during the retreat I also realized that for very, very long time I've been wanting to learn how to be present in the moment. When I was in the middle of the retreat, very often it seemed like I was doing something completely opposite to what I wanted to achieve. Only on the first day of me getting back to normal life I noticed that I got exactly what I wanted to get.
Oh yes! If you asked me 'how is Vipassana' while I was there, my answer would be different depending on which day you asked me. Each day was different - one day I felt curious, the other day I was full of doubts, next day I was happy and balanced just to feel angry or even aggressive the day after, and then calm and in harmony again. Therefore some days I would probably say it is a waste of time. At the best days I would say it was ok. During the retreat I didn't feel like it was an amazing experience. The greatness of it grew on me with time. Especially when I faced the 'normal world'. Now my answer would be - it was interesting, helpful and tough, but worth doing.
I was the most amazed by the fact, how much was happening on the inside, while almost nothing was happening on the outside. There were no distractions, barely any conversations, nothing happening: same, boring routine every day and yet there was so much turbulence in my mind. I learned to observe my mind. Before Vipassana I thought that my mind is only thinking. Now I can spot that my mind is doing hundred things: imagining, remembering, planning, judging, labeling, commenting, criticizing, visualizing, noticing, complaining... Not to mention all the sensations coming from my senses and the vast fan of emotions. I noticed how extremely difficult it is to be present in the now, because my mind avoids it. It constantly shifts between the past and the future, past, and the future. I learned that those constant trips, my mind goes on, are often so subtle that almost unnoticeable. I learned how being fully aware of the present moment changes the quality of my life into better, and I feel happier. I learned how to spot and catch (and therefore prevent) each time my mind goes on a spiral of labeling, judging, disliking and feeling negative. I LEARNED THAT MY MIND IS NOT ME!
So how did it look like? Very simple! Wake up at 4 am, meditating. Light breakfast at 6am, meditating. Lunch at 11 am and meditating till going to bed at 9-10pm.
Of course I didn't meditate constantly, but in blocks. At the beginning they teach you very simple walking meditation and sitting meditation and each day they build on, and extend the exercise. I started from 10 min each on my first day, and ended up doing 45 min each on the 7th day when I left. They want you to understand the things not from being told, not from reading, but from experiencing them. And oh boy, what a difference it is when you reach the conclusion because you simply experience something on your own skin. Even the simplest and smallest things feel like Eureka moments and I can assure they will stay with you for life! They want you to learn Buddha's teachings: - even happiness leads to suffering - everything changes - you can't control anything.
When I left the center, first thing I noticed was how weird it was to chit chat. How unnecessary and tiring it felt to talk a lot just about nothing. How disturbing it was to hear someone talk loudly or even scream. From the perspective of time I can also say that practicing is a must. Without it, I loose the habit almost instantly, and I am aware that the whole day passed and I wasn't present even for a second. Now I am trying to practice walking and sitting meditation each day for half an hour (because I have other meditations I want to do too). I understood now that nothing during the retreat was accidental. There was a purpose for everything. There was a reason why we used certain wording. There was a reason why we should avoid phones, conversations and other distractions. There was a reason why we can't learn the method remotely at the comfort of our homes. I did only 7 days out of 21. There was a moment towards the very end, when I was balanced and I thought there was nothing left I could learn. Nothing new I could take from Vipassana. But that moment passed (everything is changing) and I left the center feeling completely differently. I am happy it happened this way, because I know there is so much more to learn and I must return to complete whole 21 days.
As I mentioned it was a rather boring routine. There was one only day that stood out. The Vipassana Centre was on the grounds of a temple, therefore there were monks and nuns living there as well. At the time when I was there, it was some kind of important annual event when monks from all over the country came to spend 10 days there. I could hear them chanting. Some of the mornings I saw teachers, advanced students and nuns going with baskets towards the lake for 'monks offerings'. Finally one morning I was allowed to go there too. The day before I went to a local shop and I bought some little treats as I was advised to. That particular morning I didn't see anyone familiar I could join and ask about the event. I went there anyway as I didn't want to miss the opportunity to do something different. First of all the view of the lake with the rising sun was amazing! There were so many people, and so many monks, beautiful nature. I really wanted to take some photos, but how could I spoil it all by just taking my smartphone out and trying to capture it? But... I saw couple of monks taking their smartphones out and taking photos not only of the sunrise but also of us, the people! So I pretended I wanted to take a perfect photo of the lake, and I waited for all the monks to pass by to have undisturbed view. But truly I waited exactly for the moment when they are in front of my camera so I could take the perfect picture of a monk on the background of the rising sun. HA! :)
I saw people standing at the edge of the lake and setting up tables and chairs, and putting food, fruits and flowers on them. I asked one of the Thai ladies wearing white (which was the color of the Vipassana participants) and she told me we are supposed to find a spot alongside the path as soon monks will be passing by accepting offerings. I walked back and forth and I must have looked lost, and/or confused as the same lady asked me to join her, and her friends. She made little space on her chair. She was so impressed with the treats I had for the monks. It was so nice of her to be so encouraging as truly, what I had was very modest. It was nothing compared to the amount of food she had. It looked so beautiful too. It was so nice of her to take care of me and make me feel as a part of it. She explained everything to me. Why certain monks are wearing different color clothing, what is the purpose of the offering, what is happening with the food afterwards, etc. It was very exciting! Of course I didn't have enough. Maybe 15 treats, and there were about 200 monks in a queue with their empty baskets waiting to be filled. When I run out of my food, the lady asked me to help her distribute her treats. Soon even her treats run out so I slowly left the queue and came back to the center. I felt so good. So happy. I promised myself that next time I will be much better prepared.
